Show me to the exit
Sat Feb 10, 2018 07:59

She didn’t know. How could a person not know if they were attracted to someone? Claudia would concede she was hardly an expert on the matter, but she thought she understood attraction. She had even flirted a little with Nathaniel, and thought maybe he had flirted back a little, but she did not believe she would date within her own society: that just wasn’t how things happened. Still, she was attracted to him, and she knew that. How could Marley not know whether she was attracted to Teal?

“But it’s not like I’ve ever held hands with a boy. I can’t compare,” Marley said. Claudia had held hands win Connor, lots of times, and she had enjoyed the physical contact more than she had been expecting to, but she had not experienced anything like the happy-skittery inside feelings that Marley described in her bizarre and haphazard way. That was perplexing. Admittedly Claudia wasn’t exactly attracted to Connor… or she hadn’t thought she was. She could admit now, to herself, she liked him more than just as a friend, but she didn’t have heart-flutterings or cheek-blushings around him. Thank Merlin. Maybe it wasn’t attraction, then, that caused excited unrest in Marley, but a different emotion: it could be a general happiness at spending time with a friend, or a rebellious thrill at doing something out of the ordinary. Possible as these scenarios might be, Claudia realized, with some disappointment, that it could also be that Marley was attracted to Teal after all. “That doesn’t change anything with us, though. Right?”

Claudia hesitated. “I… don’t know,” she said honestly. She didn’t want to be unduly prejudiced. She had heard people say Connor was homophobic - that wasn’t a word Claudia wanted people to use about her. It wasn’t fair, logical or laudable to judge people based on arbitrary aspects over which they had no control, but she knew she struggled to embrace what she didn’t understand. She wasn’t prejudiced against Muggles: she didn’t really know much about them, but she didn’t hate or fear them. As she had tried to explain to Marley, she embraced ideologies about preserving wizarding kind that naturally excluded Muggles as preferable partners for wizards, but as Marley was magical, and Lia (her mother’s friend)’s children were magical, she had been forced to reconsider her standpoint on that. Her main objection to same-sex relationships had been that they, too, might hinder wizardkind, but the Tennant-McKindy children were magical, and Lia also had two fathers, so Claudia was unable to maintain her logical and reasoned argument. She was left with only one explanation: it just didn’t feel right. She knew what that made her.

“I don’t want it to change anything with us,” Claudia said, although if her suddenly increased heart rate was an accurate predictor, that wasn’t a likely scenario, “but it feels weird.” She didn’t like it, but she was trying not to let unreasonable instincts cloud her judgement; she liked to believe she was better than that. “I guess I don’t - I don’t understand why you would want to date a girl if you already like boys. Why would you want to make your life harder for no reason?”

  • Just a minor maze - Marley, Sat Feb 10 01:26
    Unrestricted? Marley seized on the word, feeling her hopes rise a little stronger. If Claudia thought that ‘her’ culture (whatever that was; coming from a mixed Mediterranean and South American and... more
    • Show me to the exit - Claudia, Sat Feb 10 07:59
      • Oh no. Claudia’s answer was actually a non-answer, and she didn’t want to assume that a non-answer meant a no but it definitely wasn’t a yes either and that made it seem like Marley was gonna have to ... more
        • This is a one-way street - Claudia, Sun Feb 11 06:06
          Marley was frowning still, and the expression looked so out of place on her usually cheerful friend that Claudia felt bad for causing it. Yet she also felt - much as she had in previous conversations ... more
          • With a dead end - Marley, Sun Feb 11 12:01
            “Marley, I’m trying.” She wanted to say something - anything - in response to that, but there were too many options. She could retort with a ‘not very well’, to point out how Claudia was disrupting... more
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