That is usually something to be avoided
Mon Sep 18, 2017 16:18

Holland followed him into the stacks and Dade was furious. He just wanted to be left alone and he wanted everyone to forget what happened over midterm and he wanted everything to be normal but Rose had gone and ruined everything by telling Holland and now Holland with his stupid cool hair and sequins and was saying Dade could do that too and he couldn’t and it was stupid and he wanted to cry but Holland had followed him so he couldn’t. Dade slammed the book back onto the shelf in approximately the place he had picked it up from, not looking at Holland. But then Holland acknowledged the differences between the two of them and Dade glanced sidelong at him before angrily swiping the sleeve of his robe across his eyes, sniffing a little. Stupid.

And then Holland said more words that were supposed to be encouraging, Dade was pretty sure, that he didn’t understand. And then he handed Dade nail polish. Dade’s fingers closed around the bottles reflexively. He stared at them. He shoved them in his pocket. He stared at Holland. Dade didn’t know how to feel. Holland was - being helpful? He was being helpful. Or trying to. But he also didn’t want to deal with this at all. He wanted to forget what was going on and never talk about it ever again, to anyone.

“What is cisgendered?” he asked instead, very quietly and not looking at Holland. Commenting on the nail polish was not something he was going to do. Thinking about the nail polish was not something he was going to do. Dade very nearly hadn’t asked the question, but he wanted to know what it meant because it seemed important. Everything was terrible and confusing but Holland said he wanted to help Dade - and Dade secretly wanted to be like Holland. He was so cool and confident and did what he wanted. It wasn’t something Dade was ever going to be able to do for real, but what if.

  • It’s that or face Rose’s wrath - Holland, Mon Sep 18 15:37
    Well, that hadn’t gone very well. And probably Holland should have expected it, because when they were younger they wouldn’t have wanted to talk about this subject like this either. Monty and Bryony... more
    • That is usually something to be avoided - Dade, Mon Sep 18 16:18
      • So we agree on something - Holland, Mon Sep 18 17:07
        Holland had half expected Dade to refuse the nail polish, and been prepared to refuse his refusal, so it was a surprise and a relief when he pocketed it. He was probably going to run away now, and... more
        • Sometimes I'm agreeable - Dade, Thu Sep 21 06:46
          Wow Holland said a lot of words. Wow. Dade’s hazel eyes grew very round as Holland explained gender, which was something that Dade had previously been entirely sure did not require any explanation.... more
          • Once in a blue moon - Holland, Thu Sep 21 16:28
            Dade was quiet for a long time. Holland waited. They would’ve preferred to have this conversation sitting down, but the stacks seemed more private, so that was all right. They read the titles of the... more
            • So Rose thought he might be ‘questioning his gender’ or the way he ‘expressed his gender’. Dade scowled. He didn’t even know what that meant. He had mostly followed along with Holland’s explanation... more
              • Is it made of blue cheese? - Holland, Fri Sep 29 04:00
                Dade was back to looking surly, which Holland supposed shouldn’t surprise them. It seemed to be Rose’s brother’s default attitude. Just like how Rose defaulted to stubbornness, and Connor... more
                • Blue cheese isn't that blue - Dade, Sat Sep 30 15:48
                  Well if this was what Rose thought was helpful, Dade didn’t want to see what Rose thought of as unhelpful . The helpful thing would have been to just ignore it and move on (okay, the yelling part had ... more
                  • Maybe the moon is Swiss cheese - Holland, Sat Sep 30 19:19
                    Holland maintained a practiced composure while Dade got defensive. Ah, shit. Dade might actually be some flavor of gender non-conforming. If he didn’t identify at all with what Holland had said, the... more
                    • I don't think the Swiss are smurfs - Dade, Sat Oct 14 15:21
                      Nope this was bad. Very bad. Holland kept talking and Dade just felt more and more uncomfortable. He kind of wanted to ask more questions, but he also very much did not want to ask more questions.... more
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