Russell
Too much blush, halp
Sun Feb 4, 2018 23:17
70.73.178.153

Oh. Um. Well. This was also a development of some sort, and it took no more than half a second for Russell to decide that he was much less fine with this than he had been the development moments prior. Talking about feelings and whatever without it becoming so awkward that not even just his face but his whole body took initiative on blushing? Yeah, that had been odd, unfamiliar, but fine. Manageable. But this? Marissa was - she had - completely at random, unannounced - he had a stomach ache already - her mouth was right there literally right there - What was he even supposed to do??

The first answer was nothing, because nothing was easier than something. Except nothing was also the wrong thing to do and unfair to Marissa and so Russell only continued to do nothing for an additional half-second or possibly three-quarters of a second before leaning back and breaking the kiss. Oh no, they had kissed. Actually kissed. Well, specifically, she had kissed him. And that hadn’t counted as him kissing back or participating in it at all, really, right? Russell had a sudden, strong urge to rinse out his mouth. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately since doing that would both be rude and hard to explain away, his water bottle was still back at the shed, i.e. where he should be right now and why had she stopped to kiss him, everything was awful, if only he could apparate out of this...

“I, um, the, you, what.” Russell started out not knowing what to say at all, and then two words in, he landed on several options, all of which he tried saying in one go because his brain had forgotten how to logic. The result was a mess. He cut himself off before he could muck things up any further and shook his head in a moderately futile attempt to clear it. “Sorry. It’s just - I don’t know why you did that,” he said, slowly working through each word as if that would help keep him from sputtering, “but you’re-” a girl. Suddenly, it hit him. It was all gross not because he didn’t like Marissa, which was obviously untrue considering how good a friend she was. but because she was a girl. Being kissed by her was only making him realize how, although kissing in general was low on his current priorities, if he had the choice he’d still rather be kissed by [name squished out of mind] or [other name also redacted] or even - well, maybe not him.

(Wait. Did that mean that he was… gay?? Gay gay?) (Nope, nope, that was an existential crisis for another time, preferably when he was alone and not at risk of ruining the best friendship he had.)

But he couldn’t just say that. He couldn’t lie, either, but he couldn’t say it, because that would be like - like blaming her for something that wasn’t her fault. Like saying so this is wrong but you can’t fix it, too bad. He knew that Marissa had been having a rough time lately, having pieced it together from the parts she’d told him directly and the parts he overheard while being ignored by more sociable students in the halls, and giving a negative response to this wasn’t ideal and wasn’t unavoidable but the least he could do was frame it more as his fault instead of hers. So rather than finishing that sentence, he switched gears and continued, “It’s not what I wanted to happen. I… only think of you as a friend.” Russell looked down, feeling a little embarrassed after all and fidgeting with the broom handles in an even less futile attempt to hide it. “Sorry,” he repeated.

  • Blush. Definitely blush. - Marissa, Sun Feb 4 10:17
    Marissa realized she took Russell by surprise. She knew that, compared to most other people, she had her life together. Unless someone really knew Marissa, no one could guess that she felt like... more
    • Too much blush, halp - Russell, Sun Feb 4 23:17
      • Abort mission! - Marissa, Sun Feb 11 17:46
        Sometimes, it was easy to tell that something was going to be a mistake and stop it. When she’d almost gone on one of those questionable carnival rides at a fair, but she’d just finished a whole... more
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