What’s your point?
Wed Dec 13, 2017 03:59

He hadn’t meant to say that last bit out loud; he had just been trying to come up with anything coherent, and that had been what his mind and mouth had provided. It was true, but it obviously just annoyed Holland, judging by the tone of their one-worded question.

On the one hand, he had already answered that. Although really, Danny had just outlined why he didn’t like Ruben, and not specifically why he objected so vehemently to that particular coupling. This was a terrible end to the day. Arguing with Holland was making Danny feel more miserable than he would have expected. He wanted to go and seek some comfort from Marissa, but if she was done clearing away after the party (which she probably would be by the time the Lyras finished up whatever was happening here), she’d probably be back in Aquila, celebrating with Rose. Danny really didn’t want to go to there and run the risk of bumping into other Aquilas, instead. After Marissa, the person he would usually turn to was Holland. For the first time in probably ever, since they’d been friends, that didn’t feel like an option right now, and that was the worst feeling yet.

Holland was talking about being capable of defending themself; Danny half-listened while his disjointed thoughts made efforts to rearrange themselves.

In their friendship group of five, Dardanius had always been content with knowing that Marissa and Rose were best friends, and Emmet and Holland were best friends, and sometimes that meant there were certain, very personal aspects of each of their lives to which he had no access. It worked, because he knew and trusted everyone to take care of each other. He didn’t know or trust Ruben, and Holland being emotionally intimate with the Aquila made Danny uneasy, but he couldn’t explain why. It could just be that it was one of them dating outside the friendship group, which was inevitable, but they had spent several years perfecting their friendship dynamics, only to have them upturned by one interloper.

He skipped back to his epiphany of moments ago, that he didn’t want to believe that Ruben had been a good boyfriend. Why was that important? Holland had said they didn’t want to date him again, anyway, so it shouldn’t matter, and yet Danny couldn’t let it go. From the moment they’d been paired at the blind date party, Ruben had drawn Holland’s attention and affection … Danny had taken months to get along with Holland. Okay he’d been twelve years old and sheltered, woefully ignorant and immature, and he’d needed a lot of time to process Holland. Ruben had just taken everything in stride, and that was… well Danny had to respect that.

The ridiculous thing was that Ruben really, genuinely, didn’t bother him that much at all. They were probably never going to be friends, there was already too much bad history, in Danny’s opinion, but he was usually fine to be in the same room as Ruben, and didn’t even mind working with him in class. There was only one very specific context in which he found Ruben intolerable, and that was when it came to his relationships with Danny’s friends. Most notably, of course, was that time in October, when Marissa had… done that. Most days it didn’t bother him anymore, and it hadn’t for a while now, unless Danny really stopped to think about it, like he was doing now. Then the prevailing reaction it drew from him wasn’t jealousy, it wasn’t disgust, it wasn’t disappointment: Dardanius was upset. Marissa had wanted something from him he hadn’t been able to give her, and that was all on him. He couldn’t be mad at Ruben or at Marissa, but he could be furious with himself. That felt… relevant.

“But do you seriously think Ruben would hurt me?” Holland asked, drawing Danny’s full attention back again.

Honestly he didn’t know. Holland had said that Ruben had never hurt them, and Danny had no reason not to believe them, but Ruben had proved to be volatile. The Lyra really didn’t know him all that well - he couldn’t be sure that Holland was safe with him. Still, he was suspecting that the answer was not the most relevant factor in his overall objection.

“I don’t know,” he sighed, holding his shirt in just his left hand so his right was free to distractedly rub against his neck. His thoughts and emotions had been put through a real workout over the last few minutes. “And that’s not… it’s definitely part of the problem but not…” he sighed.

“I think it’s far more selfish than that,” he admitted with a hollow laugh. He took a moment to work himself up to admitting something that was going to reveal how insecure and petty he could be under his layers of arrogance and self assuredness. “Ruben, he - He already knows Marissa in a way I don’t, yet, and I know that you already probably shared things with him you don’t with me,” it was coming out in a sudden rush and he couldn’t stop it, “and I - I resent that. I hate it.”

  • I said it first - Holland, Wed Dec 13 00:37
    At least Danny wasn’t practically shouting at them anymore. The two hadn’t argued before—not like this—but it didn’t surprise Holland that Danny got loud when he was angry. He was shirtless again,... more
    • What’s your point? - Danny, Wed Dec 13 03:59
      • I must have had one - Holland, Wed Dec 13 15:28
        Are you kidding me, Holland thought, with an extra modifier in the middle of the sentence. They couldn’t believe Danny was dragging Marissa into this—that he was insecure because she’d slept with... more
        • I think it got lost - Danny, Wed Dec 13 16:24
          “Ruben knows things about me that you don’t because he needed to.” What? Needed to? What did that - oh. No, that’s not what Danny meant. It, well, it might have been a part of it, but that wasn’t -... more
          • I’ll organize a search party - Holland, Wed Dec 13 21:25
            Danny looked agitated now. He was pacing and messing with his hair and avoiding eye contact and not finishing sentences. The mood in the practice room had gotten tenser in the span of a few seconds.... more
            • Just tell me what to do - Danny, Thu Dec 14 05:42
              It sound like Holland was going to argue that’s not what they had wanted, but then they stopped themselves. Danny was exhausted. He felt raw and restless and he just wanted to go back to his... more
              • First we need a map - Holland, Thu Dec 14 12:27
                “ It doesn’t matter, ” Danny agreed. Holland exhaled, unnoticed tension leaving their shoulders. They’d known that. They knew Danny; it had never felt like that mattered, not since first year before... more
                • I found your map... - Danny, Thu Dec 14 16:47
                  Holland apologized. Danny looked at them, and blinked. Why was Holland apologizing? Okay, they’d said some stuff that had caused distress, but Danny hadn’t apologized for the original grievance of... more
                  • This is not the map you’re looking for - Holland, Thu Dec 14 21:01
                    “ It matters because Ruben’s not the only one here who likes you like that. ” Holland stared blankly at Danny. For a long moment, they didn’t understand— who —and then the right neurons fired... more
                    • Oh. Whoops. - Danny, Thu Dec 14 22:10
                      He had no idea what to expect when those words had left his mouth. Danny almost wished he could take them back, but the truth remained it was absolutely impossible he would be able to keep something... more
                      • Maybe a cartographer would help - Holland, Fri Dec 15 03:26
                        For the first time in this entire conversation, Danny said exactly what Holland expected him to. “ Then nothing. ” That was the right answer, Holland thought, with something almost like relief.... more
                        • Do you know any? - Danny, Fri Dec 15 14:51
                          Holland didn’t sit with Danny, but they did move towards the door. For a stomach-lurching second, Danny thought they were just going to leave. He suspected both of them had considered vacating the... more
                          • Afraid not - Holland, Sat Dec 16 22:56
                            It sounded like Danny wasn’t going to get in the way if Holland wanted to flirt with Ruben again. Ultimately, that assurance was what Holland had wanted, although they could say with some certainty... more
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