Holland
I’ll organize a search party
Wed Dec 13, 2017 21:25
108.48.162.157

Danny looked agitated now. He was pacing and messing with his hair and avoiding eye contact and not finishing sentences. The mood in the practice room had gotten tenser in the span of a few seconds. Holland couldn’t tell if they wanted to leave or not; it felt like the situation wouldn’t get better if they stayed in the room, but that leaving would make it worse. They didn’t know how to answer Danny’s fits and starts at conversation, but he pieced together something whole in a shaky voice before they had the chance to.

Look you dragged me in here to get me to stop interfering with your life, and you’ve got what you wanted, okay?

Holland didn’t feel like someone who had gotten what they wanted. “That’s not what I,” they began, almost too stunned to form words. Okay, it was what they had meant, but the way Danny had said it just now was harsh. All Holland had wanted was to be able to have conversations without their friends swooping in like overzealous chaperones. They were glad the boys cared, but Danny and Emmett also needed to trust Holland to be able to get themself out of unwanted situations.

Regardless, the reason they’d dragged him into the practice room to talk in the first place seemed hopelessly confused by everything that had been said. It felt like they’d been having this argument for days. Holland usually didn’t have trouble keeping track of multiple threads in a discussion, but right now it was getting away from them. Why was Danny talking about relationships? “I mean, what, you’re saying you’re jealous of Ruben because I talked to him about personal things?” Holland asked, incredulous. They was baffled by how Danny had come to that conclusion. This encounter had gotten so absurdly far from where it was supposed to be.

“Do you really think I’m not open with you?” The whole conversation they had just had, about why they were upset, why dating was hard for them—was that not Holland being open with Danny? Outside of today’s conversation, Holland talked to Danny often, about a lot of things—relationships and worldviews and the future. They talked to Danny more than they talked to their own parents. Danny might not have the kind of relationship with his parents where he wanted to tell them about his life, but Holland did. How much more openness was he expecting?

Holland shook their head. “I just don’t talk about the gender stuff with most people. Maverick, because he gets it, and Emmett, but not much. And yes,” they continued, their voice rising in both volume and emotion, “of course I had to talk about it with Ruben because I wanted to date him, and I couldn’t ask him not to care if we were going to date! But I can ask you not to care because we’re just friends! It shouldn’t matter!”

  • I think it got lost - Danny, Wed Dec 13 16:24
    “Ruben knows things about me that you don’t because he needed to.” What? Needed to? What did that - oh. No, that’s not what Danny meant. It, well, it might have been a part of it, but that wasn’t -... more
    • I’ll organize a search party - Holland, Wed Dec 13 21:25
      • Just tell me what to do - Danny, Thu Dec 14 05:42
        It sound like Holland was going to argue that’s not what they had wanted, but then they stopped themselves. Danny was exhausted. He felt raw and restless and he just wanted to go back to his... more
        • First we need a map - Holland, Thu Dec 14 12:27
          “ It doesn’t matter, ” Danny agreed. Holland exhaled, unnoticed tension leaving their shoulders. They’d known that. They knew Danny; it had never felt like that mattered, not since first year before... more
          • I found your map... - Danny, Thu Dec 14 16:47
            Holland apologized. Danny looked at them, and blinked. Why was Holland apologizing? Okay, they’d said some stuff that had caused distress, but Danny hadn’t apologized for the original grievance of... more
            • This is not the map you’re looking for - Holland, Thu Dec 14 21:01
              “ It matters because Ruben’s not the only one here who likes you like that. ” Holland stared blankly at Danny. For a long moment, they didn’t understand— who —and then the right neurons fired... more
              • Oh. Whoops. - Danny, Thu Dec 14 22:10
                He had no idea what to expect when those words had left his mouth. Danny almost wished he could take them back, but the truth remained it was absolutely impossible he would be able to keep something... more
                • Maybe a cartographer would help - Holland, Fri Dec 15 03:26
                  For the first time in this entire conversation, Danny said exactly what Holland expected him to. “ Then nothing. ” That was the right answer, Holland thought, with something almost like relief.... more
                  • Do you know any? - Danny, Fri Dec 15 14:51
                    Holland didn’t sit with Danny, but they did move towards the door. For a stomach-lurching second, Danny thought they were just going to leave. He suspected both of them had considered vacating the... more
                    • Afraid not - Holland, Sat Dec 16 22:56
                      It sounded like Danny wasn’t going to get in the way if Holland wanted to flirt with Ruben again. Ultimately, that assurance was what Holland had wanted, although they could say with some certainty... more
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